Note 17 at 1 Tim. 5:6: Paul is not advocating an unhappy life here. He is speaking against a widow who is indulging her every whim at the expense of the church. The Greek word that was translated "pleasure" here is "SPATALAO" which means, "to live luxuriously, lead a voluptuous life, (give one's self to pleasure)" (Thayer).

The point Paul is making is that the widows who receive financial aid from the church should live modestly. The church should not be charged to provide luxury items for these widows. Any widow who would misuse the support of the church should not receive support.

This is not to say that a widow receiving financial support from the church has to be dirt poor or can't have any fun. Of course that's not the case. The widows who are supported by the church ought to be godly women who put God and others first and don't take advantage of the charity of the church.

Note 18 at 1 Tim. 5:6: What did Paul mean when he said that a widow who lives "in pleasure is dead while she liveth?" The pleasure Paul is speaking against is voluptuousness (see note 17 at this v.). The word "voluptuous" means "devoted to or frequently indulging in sensual gratifications" (NAHD). Paul is saying that a widow who is not serving God and others, but lives only for self, is not really living. The word "dead" is being used in an allegorical sense.

Jesus said the same thing in Matthew 10:39 when He said, "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it."

Paul is not preaching that to be worthy of support from the church, a widow has to be miserable; instead, he is telling Timothy to select only the widows who are godly women who love God and others first, and will use the church's support in a godly manner.