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05/15/12 — "I had wallowed in self-pity and enjoyed being depressed…"
At my job, there are stressful situations that would come up daily. On one of my most stressed-out days, a coworker introduced me to a book called Harnessing Your Emotions. Bingo! Of all the words that were applicable to me, I knew inside that I wasn’t what I should be in Christ. My life had been controlled by my emotions. My heart had hurt for years because of the inability to control my emotions. I had prayed for the Lord to give me a sign—something.
As I was reading the book, I was absolutely transfixed. It was like God was looking over my shoulder to ensure that I soaked in every word. Each chapter emphasized how important it was that my emotions not control me but that I control them. It was a revelation to me.
I learned about having the Spirit of God living inside of me. Since the age of nine, I’d had the Spirit of God in me, but I had not recognized it. I had wallowed in self-pity and enjoyed being depressed. I needed to let go of my problems and hand them to Jesus Christ.
I was a person who worried all the time, and if I had nothing to worry about, I would worry about having nothing to worry about. It was only when I gave every emotion I had and my cares and worries to God that I truly found that He was already inside of me. God doesn’t force Himself on me. He is always there to pick me up when I have fallen.
The book continued to ask the question of who I was in Christ. I did not have a clue. I had knowledge, but it took several attempts provided by God to turn my life around.
There will be people who will think I have lost my mind. However, when I decided to let God have everything, I lost nothing and gained everything back and more. The transformation has been the best time of my life. It is worthless to worry. There were psychological chains that were not allowing God to control my life. These chains have been broken, and there is a definite change in my life. I’m still maintaining the faith. There have been a few moments when my heart and mind were not in sync. But where I used to lose the battles with Satan, I am winning the war, and I can honestly say that I have joy unspeakable and full of glory. I do now understand. My heart doesn’t hurt anymore.
B. B. Virginia