Nichole Marbach’s Healing Journey
From Trauma to Triumph
“You don’t have to do that anymore.”
These were the words of Jesus to Nichole Marbach, who for years had cut herself with knives and razors. Many wonder, Why would anyone do this?
“I started having flashbacks of sexual abuse,” Nichole shares. “[And] having stepparents that I didn’t feel really liked me as a kid was very difficult. I was just looking for attention. I was looking to feel loved, and I felt like I needed to punish myself. That’s why I started self-injuring. It was almost like harming myself was a release from that, and it was easier for me to feel the physical pain than the emotional pain I was feeling.”
It got worse when her own daughter reached the age Nichole was when she was abused. “That just came back as flashbacks, and the only way to cope was to drink alcohol,” Nichole says. “And so, I became so dependent on it that I started hiding it in the house and not letting my husband know. Even though I was a believer—going to church, going to Bible studies, doing all of this—I felt like there was no way out.” Nichole continues, “I felt so much shame and guilt of just being a mentally ill mother with addictions because I wanted my kids to have a better life than I had.”
Worried that his wife was on the verge of suicide, Nichole’s husband, Claude, tried to provide the help and support she needed. “I always wanted to try to find a way to fix it and try to solve the problems for her and try to mitigate things, and I could never do that,” he recalls. “I thought maybe the combination of medication and outside support through Christian counseling would be what was needed. But after years of kind of trying this, it never really worked. At least not, you know, sustainably.”
Having been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it appeared Nichole would have to deal with this for the rest of her life. “I was told it was incurable, and all they could do was manage it with medication.”
One day when she was cutting herself again, she heard fateful words from God. He said, “You don’t have to do that anymore, because My Son shed His blood for you.” Hope flickered to life within Nichole. “I just remember I started weeping. I thought I had to get all the sin out of my life before God would want [a] relationship with me or would love me. And here He was, pursuing me with His love, and He was trying to tell me, ‘My Son took the punishment for all sin. He took your punishment at the cross. You are loved. You are forgiven. You are righteous.’ But I just didn’t know how to be well.”
But God had a plan.
A sister in the Lord came at the right time with the right word to sustain Nichole. “We were writing emails at the time, and she wrote to me, ‘With God, all things are possible.’” At that point, Nichole had a decision to make. “Am I going to believe the Word of God that says I’m healed, or am I going to believe what the doctors say, that this is incurable, and I need to be on medication for the rest of my life? And I got a revelation at that point that, as a child of God, I don’t have to take this anymore. I am healed, and I can use my authority.”
This turning point was marked not only by an inward change, but there was an outward change as well. Nichole says, “I no longer cut myself. I no longer drank and got drunk. I no longer, you know, had that suicidal thinking.”
God always does more than is expected. With Nichole, He put a hunger in her for truth. “I knew that I needed a deeper foundation in Christ. I knew that I needed a deeper foundation in the Word of God,” she says. And as she sought the truth, she found it. She heard about Andrew Wommack and started listening to him and reading his books.
“Then somebody invited me to a Charis Bible College meeting because a satellite school was opening up in my area.” Nichole began attending Charis and started seeing even more change in her life. “Charis is not only helping me . . . become a better mother [and] better wife. It’s helping the brokenhearted out there see that Jesus sets the captives free, and I am one of them,” she explains. “[The] truth of God’s Word that I’m getting from Charis has gone into my books, my materials, and also wherever I speak. I love to go into the places where there are really broken, wounded people, and I tell them how much God loves you and how much God accepts you, how forgiven you are.”
Claude shares, “Charis Bible College has grounded Nichole in so many different ways. She is really at peace and really enjoying meeting people where they are. She always comes [home] really encouraged from the classes.” Claude continues, “I think she has such a thirst for learning more and sharing that. She is full of joy.”
“Going to Charis has changed my life,” Nichole says. “It has just increased my healing by showing me who I am in Christ and understanding that we already have everything in us through Jesus Christ.”
Through your giving to Andrew Wommack Ministries, you have made Nichole’s healing journey possible. And now, untold lives are being touched by the message of hope that saved Nichole’s life. “My husband bought me a license plate that says ‘Hope’ as a Christmas gift one year because that’s our story that we want to get out to people. There’s more than hope in Jesus Christ. There is victory in Jesus Christ.”